WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY PHILADELPHIA SUCKS. ITS MOST FAMOUS STATUE IS A MOVIE PROP

Sep 29, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY PHILADELPHIA SUCKS. ITS MOST FAMOUS STATUE IS A MOVIE PROP

The city that signed the Declaration spent forty-four years arguing about where to put a movie prop. Meanwhile the best sandwich in Philadelphia is being made in a corner store.

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY BOSTON SUCKS. IT TOOK THE ATHENS NICKNAME FROM PHILADELPHIA

Sep 22, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY BOSTON SUCKS. IT TOOK THE ATHENS NICKNAME FROM PHILADELPHIA

Boston took the Athens of America nickname from Philadelphia about ninety years late, then paved a red line to a mall. The two neighborhoods worth the trip are not on it.

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY HOUSTON SUCKS. NOTHING HAS EVER LAUNCHED FROM SPACE CITY

Sep 15, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY HOUSTON SUCKS. NOTHING HAS EVER LAUNCHED FROM SPACE CITY

Nothing has ever launched from Houston, and the line the city built its brand on was never the first word from the moon. The thing it is right about sits unadvertised on Bellaire Boulevard.

New York

Sep 8, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY NEW YORK SUCKS. WE KEEP CALLING IT THE BEST AND COVERING FIVE BLOCKS

We say greatest food city on earth like it settles something. Tokyo has beaten us on the only agreed metric for eighteen straight years, and we keep filing from the same five neighborhoods.

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY LOS ANGELES SUCKS. ITS MOST FAMOUS LANDMARK IS A REAL ESTATE AD

Sep 1, 2026

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2 min read

THIS IS WHY LOS ANGELES SUCKS. ITS MOST FAMOUS LANDMARK IS A REAL ESTATE AD

The Hollywood sign was a twenty-one thousand dollar billboard for a subdivision, built to last eighteen months. Twelve miles east of it, a critic won a Pulitzer writing about parking lots.

Chicago

Aug 26, 2026

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2 min read

THIS IS WHY CHICAGO SUCKS. WE NAMED IT THAT, AND WE WERE WRONG ABOUT DINNER

A New Yorker gave Chicago its nickname in 1952 and put its restaurants on the list of things the city lacked. Six miles north of the Loop, that is still the funniest thing in the book.

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY JERSEY CITY SUCKS. IT KEEPS SELLING A PHOTOGRAPH OF US

Aug 18, 2026

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2 min read

THIS IS WHY JERSEY CITY SUCKS. IT KEEPS SELLING A PHOTOGRAPH OF US

Jersey City sells a photograph of the Manhattan skyline as its best feature. Six blocks inland from that pitch is a food corridor a New York critic crossed the river for eleven years ago.

New York Eats Here