Argument

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY NASHVILLE SUCKS. ITS NICKNAME WAS A STATION BREAK

Oct 13, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY NASHVILLE SUCKS. ITS NICKNAME WAS A STATION BREAK

A radio announcer named it in 1950 and the city has been performing the name ever since. The best food in Nashville is a few miles south, on a pike with no stage.

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY D.C. SUCKS. THE CAPITAL OF THE FREE WORLD CANNOT VOTE FOR A SENATOR

Oct 6, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY D.C. SUCKS. THE CAPITAL OF THE FREE WORLD CANNOT VOTE FOR A SENATOR

The capital of the free world prints its own disenfranchisement on its license plates. The community that rebuilt Ninth Street did not wait for anyone to give them a vote.

Little Italy

Italian-American Food Is Better Than Italian Food. New York Has Been Proving It Since 1925.

Oct 2, 2026

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4 min read

Italian-American Food Is Better Than Italian Food. New York Has Been Proving It Since 1925.

Not more authentic. Better. And the people who cannot say that out loud have never had to sell a plate to a stranger.

Marco Shalma

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY PHILADELPHIA SUCKS. ITS MOST FAMOUS STATUE IS A MOVIE PROP

Sep 29, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY PHILADELPHIA SUCKS. ITS MOST FAMOUS STATUE IS A MOVIE PROP

The city that signed the Declaration spent forty-four years arguing about where to put a movie prop. Meanwhile the best sandwich in Philadelphia is being made in a corner store.

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY BOSTON SUCKS. IT TOOK THE ATHENS NICKNAME FROM PHILADELPHIA

Sep 22, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY BOSTON SUCKS. IT TOOK THE ATHENS NICKNAME FROM PHILADELPHIA

Boston took the Athens of America nickname from Philadelphia about ninety years late, then paved a red line to a mall. The two neighborhoods worth the trip are not on it.

Michelin

NEW YORK NEVER GOT THE INVOICE AND THAT IS WHY WE MISREAD EVERY OTHER CITY

Sep 20, 2026

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4 min read

NEW YORK NEVER GOT THE INVOICE AND THAT IS WHY WE MISREAD EVERY OTHER CITY

The star is real. The map it sits on has edges, and American cities have been paying to move them.

policy

Somebody Sold Your Table And The Only Thing That Changed Is Who Gets Paid

Sep 16, 2026

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4 min read

Somebody Sold Your Table And The Only Thing That Changed Is Who Gets Paid

Seven o'clock Friday, the book says full, and the four top by the window never sits down. Here is where those tables went.

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY HOUSTON SUCKS. NOTHING HAS EVER LAUNCHED FROM SPACE CITY

Sep 15, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY HOUSTON SUCKS. NOTHING HAS EVER LAUNCHED FROM SPACE CITY

Nothing has ever launched from Houston, and the line the city built its brand on was never the first word from the moon. The thing it is right about sits unadvertised on Bellaire Boulevard.

Operators

THE LAW PROTECTS THE DINING ROOM AND THE SIGNAGE AND LEAVES THE COOK WITH NOTHING

Sep 11, 2026

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4 min read

THE LAW PROTECTS THE DINING ROOM AND THE SIGNAGE AND LEAVES THE COOK WITH NOTHING

You cannot copyright a dish. You can absolutely copyright the room it gets served in.

New York

Sep 8, 2026

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3 min read

THIS IS WHY NEW YORK SUCKS. WE KEEP CALLING IT THE BEST AND COVERING FIVE BLOCKS

We say greatest food city on earth like it settles something. Tokyo has beaten us on the only agreed metric for eighteen straight years, and we keep filing from the same five neighborhoods.

Occasion Economy

NEW YORK DID NOT STOP EATING OUT. IT STOPPED EATING OUT ON TUESDAY.

Sep 5, 2026

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4 min read

NEW YORK DID NOT STOP EATING OUT. IT STOPPED EATING OUT ON TUESDAY.

The everyday dinner got priced into an occasion, and the room that lived on frequency is the one paying for it.

Platforms

The Punch Card In Your Pocket Now Belongs To The App That Delivers Your Dinner

Sep 4, 2026

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4 min read

The Punch Card In Your Pocket Now Belongs To The App That Delivers Your Dinner

A points program used to be a free coffee. Now it is a channel.

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY LOS ANGELES SUCKS. ITS MOST FAMOUS LANDMARK IS A REAL ESTATE AD

Sep 1, 2026

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2 min read

THIS IS WHY LOS ANGELES SUCKS. ITS MOST FAMOUS LANDMARK IS A REAL ESTATE AD

The Hollywood sign was a twenty-one thousand dollar billboard for a subdivision, built to last eighteen months. Twelve miles east of it, a critic won a Pulitzer writing about parking lots.

Wage Theft

THE WORKERS WON A MILLION DOLLAR JUDGMENT AND NEW YORK STILL COULD NOT COLLECT IT

Aug 26, 2026

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4 min read

THE WORKERS WON A MILLION DOLLAR JUDGMENT AND NEW YORK STILL COULD NOT COLLECT IT

New York makes owners personally liable for stolen wages. The deadlines run out before most workers can use it.

Chicago

Aug 26, 2026

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2 min read

THIS IS WHY CHICAGO SUCKS. WE NAMED IT THAT, AND WE WERE WRONG ABOUT DINNER

A New Yorker gave Chicago its nickname in 1952 and put its restaurants on the list of things the city lacked. Six miles north of the Loop, that is still the funniest thing in the book.

WHY IT SUCKS

THIS IS WHY JERSEY CITY SUCKS. IT KEEPS SELLING A PHOTOGRAPH OF US

Aug 18, 2026

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2 min read

THIS IS WHY JERSEY CITY SUCKS. IT KEEPS SELLING A PHOTOGRAPH OF US

Jersey City sells a photograph of the Manhattan skyline as its best feature. Six blocks inland from that pitch is a food corridor a New York critic crossed the river for eleven years ago.